The Day I Bought A Bidet: My How To Guide

Thing Learned 1: Before I broke my wrist I had my hip replaced. The thing I learned is I should have bought this a few years ago to make my hip replacement recovery easier.

Thing Learned 2: In doing my research and reading reviews, the old adage, “With quality you only pay once,” is the most important factor when you go to purchase your bidet. You can save money by buying flimsy, cheap toilet paper, but you get what you pay for…

Why I Bought A Bidet: There are many reasons to buy a bidet. The reason that I acquired one was that I was hiking and I fell backwards and broke my wrist on my dominant hand. That incident immediately allowed me to recall what a friend of ours and said to us about her husband who had injured his dominant arm playing basketball. Her conclusion was the only thing worse than having to wipe your own tush is having to wipe somebody else’s tush. With that insightful lesson fully converted into a visual memory I immediately ordered a bidet.

First Things First, Just What Is A Bidet? According to Wikipedia, a bidet is a plumbing fixture or type of sink intended for washing the genitalia, perineum, inner buttocks, and anus of the human body, and is typically installed in a bathroom. Lower-cost add-ons combining a toilet seat and Here is another way to imagine how a bidet works, a water fountain for your rear end. Here is a bonus tip, be sure to spring for the warm water feature period it may cost a few extra dollars but you will appreciate it in the end.

A bidet is often an add on, quite frequently a toilet seat, that attaches to your toilet. The bidet is designed to help you wash yourself after toilet use. Most modern bidets have one or more jets that spray water, strategically end, allowing you to straddle the device for a cleansing far superior to toilet paper.

Imagine Your Own Personal Spa Session: Some people refer to a bidet as a personal and private spa for your southern hemisphere.

The BUTTler Did It: In a bit of bathroom humor, an Amazon reviewer calls his bidet the ‘BUTTler.’

Frequently when we have guests over for the first time and they asked to use the bathroom I will say, “Oh don’t worry about telling me we’re out of toilet paper I will pick up some tomorrow.” They laughed nervously and then I direct them down the hall.

How to use a bidet, the movie…

With Quality You Only Pay Once (Part Two): There are some things in life that you can get by with just buying the cheapest, the least expensive or the most cost-effective item BUTT, when you consider how often and how many times you might use a bidet, it will serve you well to purchase a quality item. If for example, you are going to hike the Appalachian Trail and you buy a low-cost pair of hiking shoes you will be paying for it with every step you take.

It Is Your A**: I know, I know, it is easy for me to say how you should spend your hard-earned money: Sure 500 to $800 is a lot to spend but remember, it is your rear end.  Not surprisingly, there are many high-quality bidets available. Here’s the bidet I bought. Additional 4* rated bidets are available from Amazon and they are at the bottom of the page.

Click here to purchase the BioBidet BB-2000W \ Bliss Electric Bidet Seat for Elongated Toilet – BioBidet BLISS Premier Class Bidet Seat

BUTT Wait There’s More: Once you purchase your bidet there are a couple of other expenses that you need to consider. First, you must have it connected to the plumbing associated with your toilet. While the installation is relatively easy, having said that, if you are in the position where you are buying a bidet in response to a medical condition then you probably aren’t going to be capable of installing a bidet yourself. Plan on spending $75-125 to have it installed. You may be even able to pay your neighbor a case of beer to do the installation it’s that simple. Second, you will need to have a grounded outlet nearby. You may opt to use an extension cord or you may need to contact your electrician in order to place a power outlet near the bidet for the plug. You will need to shut the water valve off, flush the toilet, disconnect a hose, then add a hose included with most bidets, attach the fittings, reassemble everything, and then sit down and enjoy your first bidet experience.

If you knew me, you would know that if it is more complicated than a stapler or a ruler, I am incapable of doing even simple household improvements – thus a plumber. Once the plumber completed his adventure (15 minutes, cost $95) he asked me to test it.

I went into the bathroom then came out and said, “That’s the best tasting water ever.” He wasn’t quite sure on how to respond.

On The Hot Seat: This bidet comes with a seat warmer.  It is very nice in the winter to sit down on a toasty seat.

Bonus Bidet Tips: Here are two reasons to keep the lid closed on your bidet:

  1. If your bidet has a heated seat then close the lid and the will retain the heat and be much more comfy when you sit down.
  2. If you have a cat and you leave your lid up then the cat will find the heated seat and rest on your toilet seat.

RTM: Normally a lot of people try and figure out piece of technology works just by doing. In this case I would suggest at least for a while, keeping the manual nearby. There are many features and, until you learn the meaning of each having that manual nearby is handy. You may want to just make a copy of the remote control page and keep that conveniently located.

It Won’t Go Off Half Loaded: The toilet seat comes with a sensor that confirms if somebody is sitting on the seat. In this way the water won’t be squirting unless there’s a human to receive the cleaning.

Remote Control Your End: This model comes with a fully-featured remote – press one button for “Oooohhh,” press another for “Ahhhhh.” More on that in a bit.

Features That My Wife (Initially) Poo-Pooed: (AKA Design features for the woman of the house.) Those sneaky engineers at Biobidet must have been female because they have included a few bonus features. When set in ‘feminine mode’ the nozzle extends a few more inches outward to reach the so-called feminine area. Upon reading the manual I noticed that there was one additional feature that might be of interest to my wife. It is called the gentle massage feature. I would tell you how that works but my wife has been in the bathroom for the past few weeks and I just can’t get a response out of her. But I will when she comes out.

Remote Access: The remote comes with a holder that can either be firmly affixed versus a double-sided tape background or can be screwed into a cabinet wall. The biggest decision is determining where it is convenient for most people. If you look at other bidets available at Amazon and elsewhere you will notice that some of the bidets have a permanently affixed remote adjacent to the toilet seat. Well that is fine because you won’t lose the remote, butt it just seems that splatter can pose a problem making one more area to have to clean on a frequent basis.

Can You Take The Pressure? The first few times you use this bidet you will notice that the water pressure is not only warm but firm. Imagine the jolt that you receive from a really good cup of coffee.

Purple Haze: The designers of this pay homage to the artist formerly known as Prince and Jimi Hendrix by including a soft purple night light to guide you towards your midnight destination. You can also turn off the purple guiding light.

Self-Discovery: There are some other features included with this bidet such as the ‘turbo mode.’ I feel it is best left for you to find those buttons and experience the sensation and report back as to your conclusion. For those of you who are not thrill-seekers I would suggest wearing a seat belt during triple mode operation.

A Few Operational Observations: The wash cycle can take up to two minutes. that should be adequate for almost everybody except for my father-in-law period for him I would suggest a double cycle. Alternatively you can press the stop button at anytime say after 30 or 60 seconds and the warm nozzle will retreat underneath the toilet seat.

Summer Breeze: Of course now while your rear end is now clean it is also wet. This is where the three minute dryer comes into play. The dryer is also adjustable his far has the the default setting is 3 minutes and you could hit stop at any time. Myself, I am a 2 minute 16 second kind of guy.

An Obvious Cost Savings: You will end up buying less toilet paper and, over the next 10 years, actually pay for your unit with the toilet paper savings. The same way that many households try to go plastic – free you will attempt to not use toilet paper, some of you will some of you won’t your sensitive area will be the best judge of that.

Bonus Bidet Cost Savings Tip: If you are on a septic sewer system and if you use your bathroom even half as much as I do you will save substantial money by not having to have your septic system pumped as frequently.

Consider The Technical Specifications – You Aren’t Just Buying This For You: Sure you may weigh a hundred and fifty pounds and be the heaviest person in your house period but you will undoubtedly have friends come over who have to use your bidet that may weigh substantially more then you do. All things being equal check the specifications as to weight bearing capacity. This model is rated up to 430 pounds. Good to know.

I Can’t Wait For My Next Bowel Movement: Most people don’t look forward to their next bowel movement. Anticipating bowel movements is just not something most people think about. But once you have a good bidet you will actually look forward to one, or more, sessions in the bathroom.

Other Considerations: This model has a three year warranty which is three times as long as most other the bidet warranties.

In short, this is a full-featured bidet. It includes everything except the morning sports page.

Click here to purchase the BioBidet BB-2000W \ Bliss Electric Bidet Seat for Elongated Toilet – BioBidet BLISS Premier Class Bidet Seat

BB-2000 Installation Video

How To Install Video – Bio Bidet

Joey Heatherton sings I Love A Parade – Just insert the word ‘bidet’ every time you hear the word ‘parade.’

Amazon 4* rated bidets