What Say You?

Here is a helpful ‘contact me’ template:

Begin Email Template

< Dear | Hey Moron! | Really? | Duh >

You are < clearly wrong | so clueless |  completely plagiarizing > your writing on < enter whatever it is here > because < I am so much smarter than you and I will prove it right here | you have no basis-in-fact because I understand the law after being serverd three temporary restraining orders | your theory was disproved before Copernicus >.

< Furthermore |Therefore | Whatfore (Gawd, is that even a word?) > and this is why I comment, say, TELL you this: < I am an expert – you obviously aren’t | you offered a poorly constructed position lacking foundation | did you really go to college? | my tin foil hat voice told me to write you as I peer through your office window >. You must be one of those < (pick any political party) | (pick any religion) | (pick any group discriminated against) >. (Something else I learned, if someone references a tin foil hat, they are Caucasian ^1* Caucasians Are The Most Likely To Wear A Tin Foil Hats .)

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And for my mobile fans…

Begin Mobile Email Template

< HAY | Reallly/? | s’up >

U so <wroongg | stoopid U > why u  < not ask me | so dum | steel my idea >? Git < life | out | smarrter > < u suk | uOK > WE goood? bro??

End Mobile Email Template

(Just where do I get the idea for the email complaint template ^2* Football Outsiders ?

Anyways, enjoy reading – visit my Things Learned Facebook page (Thanks Zuck ^3* Mark Zuckerberg ) if you would like to comment – feel free to rely on the email templates above.

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